TWD: Scumbag Lee
by MistyxKisame
Summary: Lee is a scumbag on mission: getting some of all that puss, being in charge, protecting Kenny's powerful stache, and protecting Clementine...in that order. Embark with Lee as he answers the important facts of life. Will he get laid? Where'd Duck get a thong from and when will he just frickin' drop dead? Is Ben secretly gay? Plus much more! Prequel to scumbag Clementine.
1. Meeting Clementine

Hey! I know I haven't worked on TWD: Scumbag Clementine in a real LONG time but I had to get this out first. It's the prequel to Scumbag Clem. I've been putting this story off for far too long, so this Scumbag Lee story is out because of that reason. Next to be updated is my Secrets of the Akatsuki then Scumbag Clem.

* * *

I woke up only to feel my leg hurting like crap. I moaned in pain and touched my leg only to feel a painful sensation there. Oh shit that hurt! I looked around the area for the cop. Was he still here? I looked out one of the windows and saw him on the ground. His arms were twisted in a painful looking way and there was a trail of blood behind him, as if he or someone else had dragged him to the rock where his head laid beside. Was he still alive? He couldn't be. Good if he was. He should have been watching the damn road!

My handcuffs were still on and my throat felt dry as a desert. I could really go for a cool glass of water. I kicked open the window and painfully crawled out of the cop car. Yes! Freedom! I looked over at the police officer and tiptoed on over. I saw his keys, quickly grabbed them, and unlocked both of them. Once I was done, I rubbed my wrist and the next thing I knew the cop jumped at me causing me to jump back and scrabble back to the cop car. What was he!? He looked like some sort of monster!

I quickly picked up his gun and a bullet and tried putting it in only to drop it. SHIT! I scooped it up and shot him in the head and he flew back, much to my relief. What was he?! I shook my head and got up, only to see someone in the distance.

"Hey! Over here! There's been...uh...a shooting!" I yelled from the top of my lungs. However the person was like, "NOPE!" and took off running! "WELL FUCK YOU TOO THEN!"

Suddenly I heard growling from all around. I looked and there were zombies coming out of the woodwork. I jumped (and regretted it) and took off running (well actually limping) as fast as I could. Once I got to a fence, I ignored all pain in my leg and climbed on over into a yard with a pool and a tree house. I could probably look for help here I decided as gunshots went off in the background somewhere. I limped over to the treehouse and called up there. No one answered. I figured I could probably use it to hide out in for a while, but decided against it. I wasn't getting up there with a bad leg.

I then went to a house in the yard where the treehouse was. I knocked on the door and yelled for help, but no one answered. I looked around for a second before coming in. "Don't shoot, okay? I'm not too dangerous. I'm just looking for help."

I shut the sliding door back into place and looked around. There was an bowl of fruit that sadly turned out to be fake. Crap. I wandered into the kitchen and slipped on some blood. Did someone die in here? There was also a huge bloody mark on the wall. I quickly got up and started looking through the house. There was barely anything in the cabinets. Raiders had obviously been through if not the family. The only thing useful was a walkie talkie which I picked up.

I looked a bit more around and found a unfinished unicorn coloring page. Did these people have a kid here? A little more looking and I found I was right. A child's drawing was framed on a wall not too far from the tv and had a pair of small handprints with the name Clementine written underneath was there too. "Damn, these people had a kid. What happened to it?"

I suddenly heard a beeping noise from somewhere and tracked it down to an answering machine. I clicked it and the three messages played. From the sounds of it, it didn't sound like her parents weren't coming back and they had died. Poor little girl...suddenly I heard a voice. "D-daddy?"

"Hello?"

"You're not my daddy."

"No, I'm not." I said remembering the answering machine. 'And I'm glad I'm not…"

"You need to be quiet." she warned.

I went into the living room and looked out the back door. "What's your name?"

"I'm Clementine. This is my house."

"I'm Lee. How old are you?"

"I'm 8. How old are you?"

"I'm...uh...37. Where are your parents?"

"In Savannah...where the boats are." she informed me. "I don't know where anybody is."

"Where are you?" I said moving into the kitchen.

"I'm in my tree house. Can you see me? I can see you!" I looked in the window and saw her. I waved at her. Suddenly she gave a little scream. I turned and saw a teenage walker and moved before she could kill me. I hobbled into the kitchen and accidently hit my head on the counter after slipping in it. I couldn't lose conscience now! I quickly kicked her off me and scooted to the slide door to escape, but not before she grabbed my ankle. As I fought her off, the little girl came to my rescue with a hammer.

"H-here!" she squeaked. I grabbed it from her and quickly killed the zombie by beating her head in. Once I was done, dark murky blood came from her body. "D-did you kill it?"

"Yeah." I sighed. I grunted as I stood up. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." she looked upset. "She was my babysitter, Sandra."

"I'm sorry about that."

"I want my parents to come home now." she confessed.

"Uh, that might be a while." I said not wanting to make her upset and cry. "We really need to get out of here. It's not safe. We should leave while it's still daylight."

"Okay. It's not safe at night." said Clementine.

We walked out of the house towards the front gate. Outside we encountered a fat guy and another guy. "Hey there!"

"Ah! Don't eat us!" said the fat guy.

"We're not walkers man!"

"Oh good!" said the skinny guy. "We thought you and the little one were gonna chump us. You know its really dangerous out here, right? If you help us move this car, I could take you and your daughter to my family's farm. It's safer there."

"She's not my daughter. I'm...her neighbor." I lied. I couldn't let her think I was just some random dude with a little girl. What if they thought I was a pedobear?!

"Well I'm Shawn Green and this is a Chet."

"I'm Lee and this is Clementine."

"Come on, Lee. Let's move this thing before..."

"Shawn! There's some coming!"

"Oh crap!" Shawn ran over to the car and pushed on it and I followed behind him. Soon we had the car out of the way and we all jumped in the back of the truck with Chet jumping in the trunk. I was scared that the back wheels would pop, but they held his weight and we managed to take off. "I hope those weren't your neighbors."

Soon it turned night and we reached Shawn's family's farm. Chet told Shawn he had to get home and eat...fatass! An old man came out to greet Shawn and they embraced. "I'm glad you're home son."

"I was afraid it was bad here too." confessed Shawn.

"It's been quiet as usual. Who's this?"

"This is Lee and Clementine. They're neighbors. This is my dad, Hershel."

"Honey do you know this man?" I looked at Clementine hoping that she would say yes. Indeed she did. He looked my leg. "Your legs pretty bad."

"Yeah, its not doing so good."

"Well take a seat on the bench and I'll fix it up for you. Shawn, why don't you go check in on your sister?"

"Right." Shawn and Hershel went inside the house while I sat down on the porch. Hershel came up on the porch and started on my leg.

"So how'd you hurt your leg?"

"I was on my way to visit my parents and got in a wreck."

"Where you with the girl?"

"No, I was with an idiot...I mean with a police officer. He was giving me a ride."

"Awful nice of him."

"I'm an awfully nice guy." Suddenly Shawn came out.

"Dad, I'm gonna reinforce the fence tomorrow."

"I don't think that's necessary."

"Dad those things were out there eating people! We've gotta protect ourselves! Come on Lee! Tell him what's out there!"

"A teenage girl with her guts hanging out came back to life and tried to rip my throat out!"

"If you want to reinforce the fence, go on ahead." said Shawn's father rolling his eyes.

Once he was done, me and Clementine got inside of our sleeping bags in the barn, while some dork talked in his sleep up above.

"It smells in here! It smells like..."

"Shit." Clementine gasped. "What?"

"You said a swear!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"You shouldn't swear. Its bad!"

"Sorry." I apologized.

After a few minutes, Clementine whispered, "I miss my parents."

"I don't...I mean...yeah I don't really miss mine...assholes...not even trying to visit me more than one time!"

"You shouldn't say that."

"Yeah...but I think I will anyway." I shook my head. "Get a good sleep, Clementine."

"Okay...good night, Lee."

"Night, Clem."

"_I love you baby...hahahaha..."_

_CRASH_

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

I woke up with a start as I remembered that bitch. Luckily no one had woken up when I gasped. I looked around with caution for what ever reason and laid back down. After all the bad luck I've been having, maybe my luck would change tomorrow, but I sersiously doubted it.


	2. Meeting the Dicks and an Annoying Shit

It's been awhile since I've worked on this and Scumbag Clementine. It'll probably be a good bit before the **last** chapter will be done and over with since the last chapter is the rest of the episode (I think its episode 5 from where I last left off). Maybe I'll do some sort of epilogue, but probably not. Afterwards, I'll get to finishing Scumbag Lee and getting to Scumbag Court which is where the characters take each other to court. Send in your scumbag cases now through reviews…or just wait until the story is out.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own TWD or any of its characters. If I did, boy oh boy would everything be different…kind of…sort of…not really.

* * *

The next morning, we were greeted by a handsome god-like man with a glorious mustache. Who was this incredible beast?! Before I could ask this glorious man who he was, Clementine scratched herself and mumbled that she was itchy.

"That's because you just slept in a barn, little lady. You're lucky you don't have spiders in your hair."

"W-what?!" Clementine touched her hair.

"I'm pretty sure your daddy here scared them away."

"I'm not her dad." I corrected him. "I'm Lee."

"I'm Kenny." We shook hands and I must say, he has a nice firm grip on him. Just what I would expect from a glorious fucker such as himself.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!" A little kid poked his ugly face around the corner of the barn door. Who was this weird looking fucker?! "Come on, Dad! Come look at the cows and tractors and…"

"I'll be right there, Duck." he said interrupting the already annoying little shit. "That's my son, Ken Jr, but we call him Duck."

"Duck?" I said as I followed him outside. "Ooookaaay then…so how'd you end up here?"

"We were coming from visiting my wife's sister." he explained as we walked out the barn. "Before we came here, we were stopping for gas when this guy he grabbed my boy. I thought he was trying to kidnap him."

'I can't imagine why.' I thought. "Then what happened?"

"Let's just say it was a good thing I was there."

"Yeah, good thing." Good thing my ass. He should have let the ninny get bit.

"Word is that you're on your way to Macon."

"My family's from there."

"Macon's on the way and personally I'd appreciate the company of a guy who can knock a couple of heads together if he has to." Something about that sentence sounded a little offensive, but I kept my mouth shut. It was probably just my imagination.

"I'll see what the girl would like." I said gesturing to Clementine who was clinging a little too close for comfort.

"Ah…gotta consult the missus, I see. I understand." he then turned to his wife and shit head of a son, Duck. "Honey, this is Lee and…uh…what's the girl's name?"

"It's Clementine." I spoke up for the little girl.

"Clementine is a very pretty name." Ken's fine ass wife said with a little accent in her voice.

"Thank you." she said smiling a little.

"We should get to work." said Shawn coming up from the house. "We've all seen what those things can do. The faster we get this fence up, the better."

"I wanna build a fence too!" Duck quaked…uh said.

"Yeah? Well I need a good foreman. You can sit on the tractor and yell at me whenever I take a waterbreak."

"ON A TRACTOR!? COOL!" Duck and Shawn then departed from the area and went to work on the fence.

"Why don't you get settled in, Lee?" said Katjaa. "Clementine and I can talk for a while."

"I'm going to get to working on my truck." Kenny then took off for his truck.

"Sure. Try not to bore her now, Clementine."

"Huh? Oh. You're joking right?"

"Sure." I shrugged. Clementine looked like she was the sort of person to be just the cute one, but kinda bad at having any sort of interesting conversation. I headed over to Shawn.

"COME ON SHAWN! LIFT WITH YOUR BACK!" Duck yelled at Shawn while he was working on the fence. The little shit was sitting on a nearby tractor bouncing around.

"I hope you fucking fall off that damn thing…" I mumbled a little too loudly.

"You say something, Lee?" Shawn turned slightly.

"Huh? Oh no…just complaining about the birds."

"Okay…hey could you cut up a few pieces of wood for me?" he gestured over to the stacks of wood. "They're a few pieces of lumber we weren't using around here, so dad said we could use them."

"Sure." I shrugged and started on the wood. "So those zombies…pretty crazy huh?"

"Yeah. They're pretty scary too…the world's getting crazier with these things running…well somewhat running around." he said as he nailed the wood to the fence. "I was in the city not too long ago. There was this guy…he just shot a kid in the face!"

"Whoa! Was the kid a walker?"

"I don't know. He was either asking for help or attacking the guy!" He shook his head. "Had you have to, you know, off one yet?"

"Yeah. I had to kill a teenage zombie girl." I admitted, not seeing the point in lying.

"Whoa!" He sounded surprised. "That must have been scary. I can't imagine killing one up close. Maybe far off…"

"I hope this thing doesn't last too long." I sighed as I cut another piece of wood.

"We can only hope." he looked back towards the barn and then back to the fence. "My dad…he doesn't know how bad this is."

"He doesn't…no offense, but he need to open his eyes before it's too late."

"Yeah…that's enough wood for now Lee. Thanks." he said just ask I was going to cut another piece.

"You're welcome." I turned to Duck. "What are you up to, Duck?"

"I'm the foreman and Shawn's my worker!" he said a bit too proudly as he pretended to drive the tractor he was sitting on. "Come on, Shawn! Work faster or you're fired!"

"Okay, boss-man." Shawn responded back for no reason other than to entertain the stupid kid.

'Don't entertain the little shit.' I smirked slightly. "Try not to fuck anything up, Duck."

"Okay!" Duck said happily.

'Please…just…fall…' I thought. I walked back over to Kenny to see if he needed any help, although I knew he didn't need any help. He was far too glorious to need any mortal help. "Hey, Kenny."

"Sup." he said not looking up.

"You need any help?" I asked.

"No thanks. I've got it. Do _you _need any help?"

"What do you mean?"

"With that little girl over there, I mean."

I looked over at Katjaa and Clementine. They seemed to be in deep conversation…well whatever deep conversation a MILF and an orphan can have. "No, I don't need any help. I've got it."

"You sure? You got any kids of your own?"

"No…no kids…" I said rubbing the back of my head. 'Stupid bitch wouldn't let me have any…'

Deciding to change the subject, I decided to ask Kenny about his plans. "So where are you heading?"

"Florida…I got a boat down there we could get on until things settle down." he shrugged.

"Seems like a good plan. Plenty of fish to live on…but that's not the life for me." No women and only fish? No thank you!

I headed over to check in on Clementine and Katjaa. As I neared her, I couldn't help but to noticed her boobs. Katjaa's boobs to be exact. Nice set she had on. I wouldn't mind motor-boating those tits. "Hey girls."

"Hey, Lee." said Clementine giving me a little wave.

"You two look pretty relaxed." I observed

"Clementine was just telling me about first grade." said Katjaa.

"Oh? How was that?"

"It was easy."

"Well duh." I rolled my eyes. "So you two good?"

"It's really peaceful here." observed Katjaa looking around. "It almost makes you forget that people are eating each other."

"I suppose so….sooo what are you doing when the dead aren't walking around?"

"I'm a vet, kind of like Hershel, except with dogs and cats and not so much in horses. What do you do?"

"I _was_ a teacher."

"We _need_ to hope that we can go back to our jobs one day. Things will get better."

"No, I _**was** _a teacher. I was let go not too long ago."

"Oh goodness!" she said looking surprised.

"Yeah…but I agree that things will get better one day." I assured her. "Well I'd better get going. See ya later girls."

I headed into the barn to see if there was anything I could do in there. Inside was old Hershel. "Need any help?"

He looked at me for a split second before continuing to rake hay. "How'd you get out of Atlanta?"

"I got a ride and then I was in a wreck. I walked until your boy found me." I couldn't help but to wonder why he was asking me this again. Didn't he remember what I told him last night? I hope his memory wasn't going.

"Hm…well you're no worse for wear."

"This place is a nice plot of land." I commented.

"Hmph…if you would have told me that years ago, I would have said you were full of shit. It was in the family and so was I." He shrugged. "So where's your family? Parents? Wife? Girlfriend?"

"My parents are in Macon with my brother."

"Well I hope they're alright." he continued raking. "But now you've got a little girl to take care of now…what was her name? Clementine? You just stumbled up on her?"

"She came to my rescue when her undead babysitter attacked me."

"Hmph!" He stabbed the pitch fork into the hay and he looked like he had some kind of suspicion. "Can I give you a piece of advice?"

"What is it?" I said narrowing my eyes slightly.

"I don't know who you are or what you did, but you'd better become a better liar and fast."

'Oh shit he knows!' I fought back a glare. Did he actually know or was he catching on based on nothing? Did he actually know I was the Lee Everett, the guy who killed a senator?

"Let's say things don't get better back in the cities or it gets worse." He explained. "You're goning to have to depend on the honesty of strangers if you're going to make it. If those people get to questioning your's, you're going to be in trouble. So whoever you are and whatever you did, keep it to your damn self."

What was this old fart thinking? Did he know something? What the hell did I do to make him think I did something? He seemed to believe me last night. What the hell was his problem?

"At least you have the common sense to listen to a man giving you advice."

Before I could retort, I heard something like a car cranking up and then a loud scream. What the hell was going on?! I ran outside the barn and looked around. "What the hell was that?"

"Go! I'll get my gun!" Hershel yelled as he took off.

I nodded and made my way towards the scream. It sounded like Shawn. When I got to the scene, I saw that Shawn's leg was underneath the wheel of the large tractor THAT FUCKER DUCK WAS SITTING AT! DAMN HIM! Clementine was standing not too far from the scene and looked up when I came forth.

"What happened?!"

"Duck ran over Shawn!" she squeaked.

"No I didn't!" Duck lied, although he seemed to believe it himself.

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't! It moved on its own when I turned the key and moved that lever…"

"THAT WAS THE BREAK YA MORONIC FUCK!"*

"Lee!" Shawn shouted. "Help me! My leg!"

"I see, Shawn! Hold…"

Suddenly a group of zombies were coming closer and closer and a couple even grabbed Duck! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! Without hesitation, I chose Shawn. If I had to choose between one person, I was choosing Shawn. For one thing, his voice was pretty cool, only second to mine of course. I'm pretty sure we can get plenty of bitches together. Plus he saved me! Oh and that curly haired girl, what's her face. What has Duck done? BE ANNOYING, GOT SHAWN TRAPPED UNDER A TRACTOR, AND MAKE WALKERS COME BY MAKING SHAWN SCREAM! FUCK HIM!

I quickly grabbed his arm and tried pulling. After that didn't work, I tried moving the tractor and found it too heavy. Suddenly Kenny came up. Surely this demi-god on this earth with his mustache of might would come and…

"I got you!" Kenny managed to push the zombies' hands off of the little shit, grab him, and run off.

…SAVE THAT WORTHLESS ASS OF A SON! DAMN IT, KENNY!

"Kenny! Help Lee!" Shawn pleaded. Kenny only stared before running.

The fence suddenly gave away and the walkers got to Shawn. I could only gasp in horror as they bit him. Hershel then came into the scene and quickly shot the undead fuckers before going to his son for final good-bye. Meanwhile Katjaa turned to her son and gave him a stern talking to.

'DAMN YOU DUCK! DAMN YOU, YOU MORONIC SON OF A BITCH!'

"GET OUT!" Hershel snapped after closing his son's eyes. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

It took all my might not to laugh. I mean I was sad about Shawn, but the way his dad said GTFO sounded extremely funny. I managed to keep a stone expression the whole time.

"I'm sorry." Kenny tried to apologize.

"Your son is still alive. You don't get to sorry!" Hershel then turned to me. "You tried to save him, but this piece of shit let him die!"

I chose not to say anything. I couldn't say it was my fault. Hell I did my best! Kenny could have helped instead of saving his worthless offspring, Duck the fuckwad! Heck he could at least put down the fucker and help me.

"You don't have to say anything. You tried." He turned back to his son's body. "Please just go…get out and never come back."

We all just stood there looking at each other, probably wondering what next. I prayed that Kenny would still give Clementine and I a ride since he got us kicked off the farm by deciding that not helping was a good idea. After a bit, he told me that we could still have the ride to Macon if we still wanted it before he headed to their truck.

"Come on, Clementine." I said walking behind Kenny's family.

* * *

We arrived in Macon in a good amount of time and stopped outside some stores. "This is as far as we're going." the mustached man announced.

"Then it's far enough." I said hoping out of the truck.

As we walked I couldn't help but to stare at that ass of Kenny's wife. Damn her ass was fine. I'd fuck that pussy all night if I could. Before I could get a better look at that booty, I noticed a sign that said drugs. My parents' drugstore…the place was boarded up. Were they inside? I hoped so, but what if…

"Look!" Duck shouted.

There was some person on the ground behind a car probably looking at something. We couldn't really tell. Then Kenny started yelling at it. I had to stop him. "Kenny, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm asking for…"

Suddenly the person wasn't a person at all. It was a zombie! She got up and made her way towards us followed by her fellow zombies. "Oh shit!"

"We're trapped!" Katjaa gasped.

"AAAAAH!" A zombie grabbed Duck.

'YES!' I shouted inside my head. 'GET HIM!'

"AAAAH! NO! H-HELP!" He tried getting away. Then the zombie was down when someone shot him, making him fall on top of the annoying bastard.

"NO!" I shouted loudly. The walker hadn't bite him. Duck quickly scrabbled from underneath the zombie and his parents ran over to get him.

As it turned out, a super sexy lady had come to save us followed by some other guy who instructed us to run inside of the Drug Store. We quickly took off inside as the woman with the gun held them off until we were inside.

"We can't take risks like this!" said some bitch inside the store.

"And we can't just let people die either!" the other woman snapped.

"When I say that door stays shut no matter what, I fucking mean it!" She glared at the short haired woman. "We don't know these people. They could be dangerous!"

"Even worse, they could have lead them right to us!" said some old fart.

"Where the hell is your humanity!?" the sexy woman asked.

"We have kids with us!" I said not liking this situation instantly.

"I see **_one_** little girl." he pointed at Clementine.

Suddenly Clementine grabbed my hand and tugged. "What?"

"I have to pee!" She whispered as the guy who went outside said he'd got back outside in a second.

"In a minute, Clem!"

"They've got **kids**, Lilly!" the Asian man said stating what I just said.

"Those things outside don't care!" Lilly said giving a very poor excuse.

"Maybe you should go join 'em, then!" snapped Kenny. "You'll have something in common!"

"Dammit, Lilly! You have to control these people!" said the old fart.

"Carley and Glenn just ran out there!" Lilly said, again with her poor excuses.

"She's an asshole that's for sure." I said to Kenny.

"If that's what it takes!"

"Well you don't have to be a nasty bitch about it!" I snapped, not giving a damn. I don't care who she is! I wasn't about to be thrown out or pushed around by some heartless cunt.

"Holy shit!" the old guy looked back at Duck. "Son of a bitch, one of them was bitten!"

"He wasn't bitten!" I stood up for the annoying shit for some odd reason.

"Like hell he wasn't! We're ending this now!" He headed towards Katjaa who was trying to clean Duck from the blood of the zombie that was on him.

Kenny quickly got in front of them. "OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"We'll dig one hole." the old man said ominously.

"No!" said Katjaa. "He's not bitten! I'm cleaning him up! He's fine!"

"Don't you fucking people get it!?" the old bastard shouted. "We've already seen this happen! We let someone with a bite stay and we all end up bitten!"

"Shut up!" Kenny glared at the larger man.

"We've got to throw him out or smash his head in!"

"KENNY!" Kenny's MILF shouted as she quickly sped up cleaning her son. "Stop him!"

"Lee, what do we do about this guy?" Kenny asked me.

"Dad, it's just a boy." Lilly didn't seem to like this idea much either.

"Lilly, I've got this."

"Dad, you need to calm down! Your heart…"

"I say we kick his ass!" I said crossing my arms. "It's either your son or him. I say it's him!"

Trust me, I hate Duck, but this guy was an asshole. "The wants to throw a little kid outside when he wasn't bitten and he didn't even check bothering checking! Fuck him! This is **murder**! We had to get rid of this giant asshole!"

Kenny agreed. "Damn right! Out on his ass with those things!"

"Everyone chill the fuck out!" Carley said loudly.

"No! Not until this fucker learns to stop being a dick!" I said stubbornly.

"Nobody is doing anything!" said Lily.

"Lilly, shut up." her dad then turned to Carley. "And you, shut the fuck up! They will find us and none of this will fucking matter! But right now, we're about to be trapped in here with one of those things!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Kenny.

"He's bitten! That's how you turn!"

"He's **not** bitten!" Katjaa spoke up. "Lee, stop this! It's upsetting him!"

"I'm upsetting him? Upsetting is giving eaten alive!"

"Dad, we get it!" said Lilly getting frustrated. "I get it! It's a big deal!"

"Do you? You're not fucking acting like it!"

"Dude, this is his son!" I spoke up.

"Look around dumbass!" he said rolling his eyes. "I got a daughter in here. You got a daughter in here. Get your head out of your ass, boy!"

"We've all got people in here…more or less." I added the last part since Clementine wasn't really my daughter, but since I rescued her, I guess she's under my protection now. "We can figure a way out without killing anybody! There's another way!"

"Yeah with a shovel!"

"You fucking dick!" I couldn't believe this bullshit. How could you kill a little boy, even if he was was annoying as shit?

"I'm gonna kill him Kat!" Kenny said to his wife. "Just worry about Duck!"

"Lee!" the little girl said from somewhere in the room.

"Yeah?" I said to Clementine who was at the bathroom.

"There's someone in there!" she said dancing around, probably trying to hold in her pee.

"It's just locked. Key's behind the counter…uh probably…" I said turning back to the argument.

"I'm not the bad guy here!" The old man said trying to prove a point. "I'm just looking out for my daughter!"

"Your daughter is an adult. She can look after her own self!" I said ready to beat the crap outta this old fucker.

"You're the guy arguing for killing a kid!" said Kenny. "Stop making excuses for yourself, asshole!"

"He's covered in muck! She'll find the bite! WATCH!" the old man seemed extremely confident.

"She won't!"

"And if she does?" he got this really smug look on his face. "The first thing he'll do is sink his teeth into his mom's face. Then when she's dead, he'll probably pounce on your little girl! She'll turn fast and then they'll be three…"

"Even if he was bitten, which he's not, he's a little boy!" I said rolling my eyes. "There's all of us against him! You think we can't handle him? Look at him! He's not that big!"

"Little boy?! He'll be an uncontrollable man eater!"

"It's not gonna happen!"

"It is and we're tossing him out now!"

"IN YOUR DREAMS YOU OLD FUCKER!" I yelled angrily. "You aren't doing anybody any good making shit up just to scare us! He's not getting tossed out because he's not bitten! If you wanna try tossing him out, you've gotta go through me first, you old bastard! You wanna try getting violent, ya old dinosaur fuck?! I'll be me before anyone else in here! Bring it on, old fart! BRING IT! I'LL KICK YOUR OLD FUCKING ASS FROM HERE TO NO-FUCKING-VEMBER"

Suddenly Clementine screamed and a walker jumped out of the bathroom. I pushed everyone to the side and ran to her aid. I had to help her! "CLEMENTINE! HOLD ON! I'M COMING!"

Before I could get to her, I fell on the hard floor. 'Come on! This is no time to be clumsy!'

I quickly got up and ripped the walker away from her. "GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Before the walker had a chance to bite me, Carley quickly shot him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." I said pushing away the now dead zombie. Before we could breath, zombies started pounding on the boards on the windows. Were they coming in? We all hid for a minute until gunfire could be heard. It sounded like the military was stepping in. Soon it got quiet as the zombies left to see what all the fuss was. "Phew. That was close."

"Close?!" the old man started up again. "Thanks to this bitch and her itchy trigger finger…"

"Hey! That bitch saved my life!" I then added. "No offense."

"None taken?" she sounded like she was conflicted between getting mad or being thankful.

"It was still stupid! It was…" suddenly he grabbed his chest and staggered a little before falling down.

"DAD!" She ran towards her father.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO KILL A KID!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Lilly yelled glaring at me. "This is nothing to laugh at!"

"What's wrong with him?" asked Kenny.

"It's his heart."

"My pills…" the old man said in pain. GOOD!

"Nitroglycerin pills?" asked Katjaa.

"Yes! We're out! We've been trying to get into the pharmacy since we've got here! Please try to get in there." she pleaded. "Behind the counter, where the pills are."

"Why the fuck should we?" I asked glaring at the old man.

"Please! I'm begging you!" Lilly said looking desperate. "He's my dad! We have to save him! Weren't you just saying that killing his son would be murder? This is no different!"

"Like hell it isn't!"

"Fine we'll help." said Kenny.

'If your mustache wasn't so glorious, I'd punch you.' I narrowed my eyes at Kenny slightly. 'I should have let him toss your fucking son out even though I found people I hated more than your damn son.'

"Everyone should get comfy and look for anything useful. We could be in here for a while." he said while his mustache instantly made everyone look at him and establish him as the leader.

"I'm starting to think this drugstore isn't a permanent solution." said Glenn.

"You're right." said Kenny agreeing. "This ain't exactly Fort Knox."

"We need as much gas as possible so we can all get out of downtown." said Glenn. "There's a motel not too far from here. I'll go there, get what I can, and get back asap."

"As long as you think you can do it, that'd be great. Here. Take this." I handed him the extra walkie talkie from Clementine's house. "Use this if you get into any trouble. Hopefully you won't need it. Clementine has the other one."

"Cool." he said placing it into his back pocket.

"Check back with her and get back here as soon as you can."

"And you, what's your name?" Kenny asked Lilly.

"It's Lilly and my dad's Larry."

"The cableman?" I asked, making a joke.

"Ha ha, very funny." Lilly rolled her eyes.

"Keep a good eye on him." said Kenny. "These boys'll work on getting you your medicine."

"Even though we would rather have the fucker die…" I mumbled.

"You, you keep an eye on that door." Kenny said to the fat guy next to the door.

"It's Doug and you've got it." said Mc Fatty.

"And I'm Carley." Carley introduced herself.

"Ok, Carley, you'll shift in with Doug when he needs it. For now, get some rest. You're a good shot and I'd like to keep it that way."

"You got it, boss."

"Now get him those pills." Lilly didn't seem to appreciate Kenny being in charge, but who the fuck cares. Her dad tried to kill Kenny's son. Despite me hating the little shit, I couldn't let him die. Kenny would be heartbroken. If you can't control your dad from being an asshole and almost throwing someone out without proof, then you deserve to lose control until you can prove you can handle a situation better than anyone else can.

I decided to look around and check up on everyone. I spotted a box of energy bars and decided on giving them away instead of keeping them…just kidding. I ate about 3, kept 7 hid away, and left only 3 left. I wasn't hungry, I just felt like being a dick.

I went over to that hot piece of ass Carley. Man she had a nice pair of buns. I won't mind tapping that ass all night. Her boobs weren't too bad, although Katjaa's were a lot bigger. I decided to butter her up a little with small talk. "Hey Carley. You know, you're a pretty good shot."

"Well you don't fuck with a reporter…especially one 3 days out from her last cup of coffee."

"You seem to handle yourself pretty well." I commented.

"Really? I'm a disaster."

"I can't tell."

"My editor was eaten about five feet away from me and I would have joined her if it wasn't for that dorky guy on watch." she looked over to where Doug was.

"Who? Him?" I gestured towards him, making sure I wasn't seeing things. He didn't look like he could save a snail.

"Yep. Pretty amazing, huh?"

"Yeah it is…" I wondered if he moved quickly because of Carley's sweet ass. I know I would have. "Well…uh…sorry your editor."

"She was an asshole, but you know…"

"I get it." I looked back at Doug. "Are you **_sure_** that guy saved you?"

"Totally sure. Those creeps or ghouls or whatever the hell they are were ripping apart our van. Then at guy, Doug, came to the rescue."

"Creepy fucker probably just wanted to get laid…"

"Huh? Did you say something?" Carley had been looking at Doug.

"I said you can never tell who the heroic ones are going to be, I suppose."

"He's kind of cute…in that parents' basement sort of way." She looked back at him.

"He probably does live in his parents' basement." I said narrowing my eyes at the fat fuck. "He probably spends all his time inside that basement playing some nerdy medieval RPG game like World of War Craft or some Lord of the Ring knock-off, spending all his time calling people n00bs and playing as some elf chick just so he can take off all her armor so he can jerk off to it. I bet he jerks off to hentai…"**

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing…so what were you doing here before?"

"We were up here covering the Cherry Blossom festival. Real hard hitting stuff." she said sarcastically.

"What are you working on here? A radio?" I looked down at the radio, wondering what she was trying to do with it.

She nodded, "I can't get it to work."

"Let me see." I looked it over. I pressed the on button, messed with the volume knobs, and then decided to take a look at the batteries. "Hm…there aren't any batteries."

"Batteries?"

"Yeah they're missing." I placed it down on the counter. "I can go look for some if you want. It needs two."

"Thanks. I wouldn't know what to look for." I left her be and went over to the fat guy. He stopped a bunch of walkers? They had to be old walkers or weak ones. No way his fat ass did it!

"You heard or seen anything yet?" I asked.

"Nothing, luckily." said Doug. "Wanna step outside and have a look around?"

"I really don't feel like dying today." I looked at him as if he were crazy.

"The gate outside is closed." he explained. "We can hang out in front of the store and none of them can get to us."

"Sounds like a plan. Let's head out there and have a quick look."

We quietly headed outside and laid low so none of them could see us. There were a bunch of them. "Holy shit! There's a good bit out here now than earlier."

"I think I'm going to be sick." Doug covered up his mouth as we observed a good bit of walkers eating someone.

"All those things do is eat!"

"It's the only thing they care about as far as I can tell."

"If one gets you, you're through. They rip your insides out and eat you."

"And whatever's left of you comes back as one of them." Doug shook his head. "I thinks its going to be more than a couple days before all this gets sorted out."

"No shit." I looked around until I laid eyes on…MY BROTHER!? "Oh shit!"

"What?" he noticed where I was looking. "Did you know that guy?"

"Uh…no…no…" I lied without knowing why. "He…uh…he worked here. See his tag on his shirt?"

"Oh yeah! I see! Do you think he has the keys to the pharmacy?"

"Maybe." I shrugged, although I knew full well that he did unless he left them somewhere.

"Hm…I don't know. It could be anybody that worked there. They start rotting and get all chewed up and…"

"Will you just shut up, Fatass?"

"Oh sorry…" he seemed slightly offended.

"We should go back in." I said after looking around a bit more. "I want to look inside the pharmacy a bit more."

We headed back inside. I checked in on Clementine. "Yo."

"Hey."

"You hear from Glenn?"

"Not yet." she tilted her head a bit. "Is he okay?"

"Probably." I shrugged. "I would say I don't care, but we need stuff, so you know. You need anything?"

"Not really, but I am a little hungry."

"So uh…" I couldn't really think of anything encouraging to her.

"Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh yeah I'm okay. I just…I'm good."

"That's…good?" Neither of us seemed to know where this train wreck of a conversation was headed.

"Yeah, I think so. Being good is good, despite the circumstances."

"Yep."

"Here take this." I handed her an energy bar.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

I managed to find another battery for Carley while over by Clementine. I walked back over. "Here's another battery."

"Thanks." she quickly placed the battery inside, but couldn't get it to work. I rolled my eyes and helped her with it. The dumb (but sexy) bitch had the batteries in wrong. I placed them incorrectly and pressed on. What followed up was some dork named Steve talking on the radio before something bad started happening on the radio. Apparently zombies were infesting the studio and killing people.

I left her since I really didn't feel like comforting anybody right now. I wasn't really good with comforting anybody and after a few experiences with my brother, I always avoid these types of situation if I can.

**FLASH BACK**

**_"Lee, why is Brad doing that?" Lee's little brother asked him. He was referring to his goldfish which was upside down and floating at the top of the fish bowl. "I bet he's trying to escape."_**

**_"You stupid pile of shit." he rolled his eyes. "That fucker's dead!"_**

**_"D-DEAD? No! You're lying!"_**

**_"WAKE THE FUCK UP, COCK SUCKER! HE'S PUSHING UP DAISIES! GONE HOME TO MEET HIS MAKER! HE'S DEEEEEEEEEEAD! GET OVER IT, DUNCE!" Lee made his brother poke his fish over and over. "SEE?! THE STUPID FISH IS DEAD! DO YOU SEE HIM MOVING?!"_**

**_"WAAAAAAAAH!" He ran off to go tell his mother._**

**_"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he heard his mother shout_**

**_"Damn you, snitch mcgee." Lee sighed as he climbed out of the window to hide until dinner. By then his mother would be calmer._**

* * *

That's all for now. See ya next time. I really don't know when Scumbag Clementine is coming out, so please be patient. Luckily, Caught! will be out soon.

*I don't know anything about Tractors, so if a lever isn't on a tractor or doesn't serve as a break, it does here.

**If you play any medieval style RPGs and/or WoW, I have nothing against you. I used to play Runescape, but I don't anymore. I have nothing against RPGs (I love them as a matter of fact). If you fap to hentai, then whatever. Same if you live in your parents' garage.


	3. She Knows!

Hey guys. I'm back with more Scumbag Lee. I hope you guys enjoy it. I'm planning on writing a version on where the most voted characters from season 1 are kept alive to go into season 2 with Clementine. Omid, Christa, and Kenny don't count. I'm also not putting Lee on the list because I'm putting him in there regardless. Vote now! You get to pick 4 people. No more no less. I might add someone else if someone asks.

* * *

As eager as I was to get the heck out of my parents' pharmacy, I had to help the old asshole and his daughter. I decided to head on over to Kenny and chat for a bit. "Sup, Ken."

"Hey, Lee. You really gave that ol' man hell back there."

"Sure did." I said shaking my head, still ticked off about the events that happened not too long ago. "We got pushed, ya know."

"I know. I was just about to tear the guy's head off." The mustache king admitted. "Anyways, Kat and I appreciate your support."

"Thank you, Lee." said Katjaa.

"So what's the plan? You know, besides helping the asshole over there."

"The best would could do is hang tightly and wait for things to clear up out there." he said crossing his arms. "It might be a while until they clear out, but this place could hold out for a little while as long as we keep the fuss down."

"You said your family was from here in Macon?" said Katjaa.

"Uh…yes." I was wondering where she was going with this.

"Where are they? Shouldn't we go looking for them?"

I looked around to make sure everybody was preoccupied with something else before spilling the beans. Kenny and Katjaa seemed alright, so I decided to tell them. "They owned this place. They're gone."

"Oh, sweetie."

"Kat…" Kenny rolled his eyes.

"They were good people." I said ignoring their interruption, although I was grateful for the display of sympathy from Katjaa. "I wasn't around much, but yeah, they're dead. So how's Duck doing?"

I really didn't give a fuck about Duck, but decided to ask anyways just to be nice. "He's okay. It was just shock."

"We're lucky that nobody got nabbed on the way in here." confessed the master of Mustaches.

"No kidding." I lied. Of all the people to get grabbed by a zombie, why couldn't it have been Duck? I wished they had grabbed him. They were close, but thanks to Carley the little shit was saved. Maybe he'd get bitten sooner or later from being an annoying little turd.

"How's she doing?" Katjaa looked over towards Clementine.

"She's good…I think." She seemed okay anyways. I just fed her so she should be fine for a little while.

"She's a tough little girl." Kenny complimented.

"She's just a little girl, Ken."

"Didn't she spent days surviving on her own?"

"Right." I nodded.

"Not just any little girl can do that." To be honest, any little girl or boy could hide out for days until they got desperate or brave enough to venture out on their own, like Clementine, or stay and die. If Clementine had not seen me or I wasn't there, she would have met her end in the woods.

I decided to shift the conversion back on them. "How are you guys holding up?"

"We're just fine…considering." said Kenny.

"We've been through a lot." said Katjaa.

"Lee, you got a second?" Kenny and I went off to the side to talk. I wondered what he wanted. "Back on Hershel's farm…I panicked you know. I'm not proud of it."

"It happens." I said saying the opposite of what I really wanted to say. He could have just put the little shit down and helped. Besides, Shawn was a hell of a lot cooler and better than that asshole Duck!

"I guess, but I can't stop seeing him in my head."

"That's rough." I said glad I wasn't him.

"I _killed_ that boy! We could've saved him together."

'No shit, Einstien.' I rolled my eyes in my mind, but out loud I told him he didn't have a choice. "You think have a choice when you look back on it. In the moment? You never had a choice in the first place."

"I guess." Kenny still looked sad about it.

"Try to let it go." Kenny just sighed and went back over to his family. I wasn't sure if he was going to get over it, but personally I didn't give a fuck. As long as it didn't affect that gorgeous mustache of his, I didn't give a fuck. Feeling a little nice, I decided to give the kid an energy bar.

"Here, for Duck."

"That's sweet, Lee." said Katjaa.

"Thanks, Lee. He appreciates it." added Kenny.

'The little shit could say so, but whatever.' I just nodded and let them be. I headed back over to Clementine. "Glenn checked in yet?"

"Not yet. Is he okay?"

"I don't know. Probably." We really needed the gas so the little fuck had better be okay. "I'll leave you be. Just let me know if you need anything."

"Okay."

I decided to look inside of the office to search for any extra set of keys. My folks usually had some, so why not. Once inside I found a bloody sleeping matt. I cringed. A small part of me had been hoping they were alive and well, but this large piece of evidence indicated that they were either walkers or dead. I bent over and picked over the picture on the floor. It was of all four of us. I quickly tore off the part with me in it. I didn't even deserve to be in my family after the shit I've done.

"Find anything?" I jumped and turned around. How the heck did she even get in here without me hearing her? Was Carley some sort of part-time secret agent or a ninja?

"Oh nothing, just a picture of the family that owned this place." I said dropping the part of the picture I had of myself.

"I know who you are." Well fuck. Carley went on to tell me that she knew all about me and what I did. If this hot piece of ass was going to be trouble…well shit. No chance of getting some with her. That just left…ugh…Lilly. "Did you tell anybody out there that you were linked to this place or who you were?"

"No. I've been sticking to first names for a reason." I had thought about mentioning Kenny, but didn't bother. Kenny obviously didn't know about me and neither did his wife since they would have reacted a lot differently had they known.

Carley looked me over for a few seconds. "You seem like an okay guy and the last thing we need is drama here. You've got this little girl to take care of and don't make me wrong on this…"

"I don't plan on it." There was no way I was ruining my chances to get laid.

"Good, because if this lasts longer than a few days and you're danger to the group, then we have a problem."

"I hear you."

"I'll just keep it to myself."

"Thanks." I have to admit I was relieved that Carley was prepared to keep it to herself. Maybe this was a sign that I could get some ass sooner or later! I could only hope so. I wasn't going to mess this up. All I had to do was prove to be an upstanding guy and then hopefully get some pussy! With all these people turning into walkers, there would be plenty of time for reproduction with tons of sexual tension rising.

"No problem." Carley smiled a little bit and left out of the room. I sighed and turned to look around only to spot Clementine lurking in the room. Geez! I wonder how long she'd been standing there. I decided to ignore her as she wasn't doing anything to get in my way. Now to look for those keys.


End file.
